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Helicopter Flight:
"A bundle spare parts flying in close formation." |
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Alternate Definition: "Anything that screws its way into the sky
flies according to unnatural principals." |
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You never want to sneak up behind an old, high-time helicopter pilot and clap
your hands. He will instantly dive
for cover and most likely whimper...then get up and smack the shit out of you. |
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There
are no old helicopters lying around airports like you see old planes. There is a
reason for this. Come to think of it, there
are not many old, high-time helicopter pilots hanging around airports
either; so the first issue is
problematic. |
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You can always tell a helicopter pilot in anything moving: a train, an
airplane, a car or a boat. They never smile,
they are always listening to the machine and they always hear something they
think is not right. Helicopter pilots fly in a mode of intensity, actually more
like "spring loaded' while waiting for pieces of their machine to fall off. |
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Flying a helicopter at any altitude over 500 feel is considered reckless and
should be avoided. Flying a helicopter at any attitude or condition that
precludes a landing in less than 20 seconds is considered outright
foolhardy. |
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Remember in a helicopter you have about 1 second to lower the collective in
event of an engine failure before the craft
becomes unrecoverable. Once you've failed this maneuver the machine flies about
as well as a 20 case Coke machine. Even a perfectly executed autorotation only
gives you a glide ratio slightly better than that of a brick, 180 degree
autorotations are a violent and aerobatic maneuver in my opinion, and should be
avoided. |
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When your wings are leading, lagging, flapping, processing and moving faster
than your fuselage there's something unnatural going on. Is this the way men
were meant to fly? |
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While
hovering, if you start to sink a bit, you pull up on the collective while
twisting the throttle, push with your
left foot (more torque) and move the stick left slightly (more translating
tendency) to hold your spot. If you now need to stop rising, you do the opposite
in that order. Sometimes, in wind, you do this many times each second. Don’t you
think that's a strange way to fly? |
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For Helicopters: You never want to feel a sinking feeling in your gut (low “g”
pushover) while flying a two bladed,
under
slung, teetering rotor system. You are about to do a snap-roll to the right and
crash. For that matter, any remotely acrobatic maneuver should be avoided in a
Huey. |
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Don't push your luck. It will run out soon enough anyway. If everything is
working fine on your helicopter consider yourself temporarily lucky. Something
is about to break. |
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Harry Reasoner once wrote this about helicopter pilots -
MAC Flyer July 1977
- click right image at top of page for larger image. |
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Having said all this, I must admit that flying in a helicopter is one of the
most satisfying and exhilarating
experiences I have ever enjoyed; skimming over the tops of trees at 100 knots is
something we should all be
able to do at least once. |
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Many
years later I know that it was sometimes anything but fun, but now IT IS
something to brag about for those of us who
survived the experience. |
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And finally, remember the fighter pilot's prayer
"Lord, I pray for the eyes of an eagle, the heart of a
lion and the balls of
a
combat SAR helicopter pilot and his crew." |
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| Once you are in the fight, it
is way too late to wonder if this is a good idea. |
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| It is a fact that helicopter
tail rotors are instinctively drawn toward trees, stumps, rocks, etc.
While it may be possible to ward off this natural event some of the time,
it cannot, despite the best efforts of the crew, always be prevented. It's
just what they do. |
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| NEVER get into a fight without
more ammunition than the other guy. |
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| The engine RPM and the rotor
RPM must BOTH be kept in the GREEN. Failure to heed this commandment can
affect the morale of the crew. |
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| Cover your Buddy, so he can be
around to cover for you. |
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| Decisions made by someone
above you in the chain-of-command will seldom be in your best interest. |
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| The terms Protective Armor and
Helicopter are mutually exclusive. |
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| Sometimes, being good and
lucky still is not enough. |
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| "Chicken Plates" are not
something you order in a restaurant. |
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| If everything is as clear as a
bell, and everything is going exactly as planned, you're about to be
surprised. |
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| Loud, sudden noises in a
helicopter WILL get your undivided attention. |
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| The BSR (Bang Stare Red)
Theory states that the louder the sudden bang in the helicopter, the
quicker your eyes will be drawn to the gauges. The longer you stare at the
gauges the less time it takes them to move from green to red. |
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| No matter what you do, the
bullet with your name on it will get you. So, too, can the ones addressed
"To Whom It May Concern". |
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| If the rear echelon troops are
really happy, the front line troops probably do not have what they need. |
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| If you are wearing body armor,
they will probably miss that part. |
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| Happiness is a belt-fed
weapon. |
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| Having all your body parts
intact and functioning at the end of the day beats the alternative. |
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| If you are allergic to lead,
it is best to avoid a war zone. |
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| It is a bad thing to run out
of airspeed, altitude, and ideas all at the same time. |
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| Hot garrison chow is better
than hot C-rations which, in turn, are better than cold C-rations, which
are better than no food at all. All of these, however, are preferable to
cold rice balls, even if they do have the little pieces of fish in them. |
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| Everybody's a hero ... on the
ground ... in the club ... after the fourth drink. |
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| A free fire zone has nothing
to do with economics. |
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| The further you fly into the
mountains, the louder the strange engine noises become. |
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| Medals are OK, but having your
body and all your friends in one piece at the end of the day is better. |
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| Being shot hurts. |
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| Thus the term 'SHIT!' can also
be used to denote a situation where high Pucker Factor is being
encountered. |
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| Thousands of Vietnam Veterans
earned medals for bravery every day. A few were even awarded. |
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| Running out of pedal, fore or
aft cyclic, or collective are all bad ideas. Any combination of these can
be deadly. |
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| There is only one rule in war:
When you win, you get to make up the rules. |
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| C-4 can make a dull day fun. |
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| There is no such thing as a
fair fight-only ones where you win or lose. |
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| If you win the battle you are
entitled to the spoils. If you lose you don't care. |
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| Nobody cares what you did
yesterday or what you are going to do tomorrow. What is important is what
you are doing-NOW-to solve our problem. |
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| Always make sure someone has a
P-38. Uh, that's a can opener for those of you who aren't military. |
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| Prayer may not help . . . but
it can't hurt. |
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| Flying is better than walking.
Walking is better than running. Running is better than crawling. All of
these, however, are better than extraction by a Med-Evac, even if it is,
technically, a form of flying. |
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| If everyone does not come
home, none of the rest of us can ever fully come home either. |
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| Do not fear the enemy, for
your enemy can only take your life. It is far better that you fear the
media, for they will steal your HONOR. |
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| A grunt is the true reason for
the existence of the helicopter. Every helicopter flying in
Vietnam
had one real purpose: To help the grunt. It is unfortunate that many
helicopters never had the opportunity to fulfill their one true mission in
life, simply because someone forgot this fact. |
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| If you have not been there and
done that . . . you probably will not understand most of these. |
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